I refuse to be sexist in the presumption that all men dislike wedding planning. There are plenty of males out there holding it down for the fiances who like to plan and who do it well!
Whether you’re a male or female planner, we know that opposites attract, which means, in many relationships one partner likes to plan and the other does not. I am in that relationship. This isn’t surprising as I am a wedding planner. However, my man is the extreme opposite. He dislikes planning anything and would rather wait until the very last minute to throw something together and see how brilliantly things can “fall into place.” Fortunately, this actually has worked out quite well for him . . . so far.
If you are planning a wedding with a non-planner, like I did, here are some tips that might help! Kelsey and I have teamed up to create a short list to aid in the task of planning a wedding with The Anti-Planner.
1. CREATE A SCHEDULE
Create a monthly schedule with reminders/tasks on a shared calendar (this eliminates the need to remind him/her countless times about a to-do item, and instead allows the calendar to do it for you!
2. MAKE IT FUN, DRINK WINE.
It's easy to allow wedding talk to consume your every thought. If you are the planner in the relationship, then you know the excitement that comes with talking about the details of the wedding. On the flip side, if you're not a planner, these details can leave you feeling overwhelmed and anxious. Don’t allow wedding planning to consume your relationship. There are so many beautiful parts about being engaged that don’t involve the looming details of the party; bask in those things.
Give yourself (and most importantly, your partner) a break from talking about wedding details. Instead, choose 1-2 days a week, grab some wine or go on a date where you can tackle the to-do list. Try to make these events fun! One of my girlfriends shared that every wedding task she and her fiance did she involved champagne! Registering? Champagne breakfast! Envelope addressing? Rose Champagne! Guest list? Champagne and tequila!
3. DELEGATE BASED ON INTEREST AND TALENT.
We learned this in our pre-marital counseling. Pre-marital counseling is a great place to discuss delegation and any decisions that have been hard for you and your partner to agree on. (Add to your To-Do List: Sign up for pre-marital counseling).
We learned that each person brings strengths to a marriage. Find those strengths in one another and use them to your advantage when delegating tasks. If one person is really artistic, let them take on stationary, or if one person is a total foodie, let them take the lead on catering.
4. REMEMBER THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MARRIAGE AND A WEDDING.
A marriage is about two people committing themselves to a life together. The wedding is a party. That is it. Keep this in mind through the whole process. Your partner wants to marry you and spend everyday with you for the rest of their life. That doesn’t mean they have to want or like planning the party though. Try to separate these two things and don’t take it personal.
5. WEDDINGS ARE A LOT OF FUN, AND A LITTLE STRESSFUL.
Before I got engaged it seemed that everyone kept telling me how stressful it was planning their wedding. Until finally a girlfriend told me how fun it was! This wasn’t because she was the best planner alive or because her fiance just adored all things wedding related. It was because she had the best attitude! Its like the book The Secret- those with the best mindset will have the best lives. My friend went into her engagement with a mantra: this is going to be fun and I know at times it will be a little stressful too (I mean duh, its a wedding, of course there will be stressful moments!).
6. HIRE A WEDDING PLANNER.
I know this sounds like a business plug, but I swear it's not. I say this to you as a wedding planner that planned her own wedding. Make wedding planning a line item. Find a planner that you love and trust. Let him or her be the nag, the coordinator of all things business and contractual about the wedding, let her take on all the stress of the details, while you get to sit back, enjoy being engaged and in love. This gives you the opportunity to be involved in the aspects of the wedding that you are excited and interested in, while the planner takes care of the rest. If you don’t want to be the one nagging your partner about the million and one details about the wedding, do yourself (and your fiance!) a favor and hire a planner.
Kelsey + Danielle