Reblog: Planning a Wedding with the Anti- Planner

Last January we posted this blog and received tons of positive feedback from couples on how much it helped them in planning their wedding. We didn't want our 2017 couples to be left out, so we decided to run it again! 


I refuse to be sexist in the presumption that all men dislike wedding planning. There are plenty of males out there holding it down for the fiances who like to plan and who do it well!

Whether you’re a male or female planner, we know that opposites attract, which means, in many relationships one partner likes to plan and the other does not. I am in that relationship. This isn’t surprising as I am a wedding planner. However, my man is the extreme opposite. He dislikes planning anything and would rather wait until the very last minute to throw something together and see how brilliantly things can “fall into place.” Fortunately, this actually has worked out quite well for him . . . so far.

If you are planning a wedding with a non-planner, like I did, here are some tips that might help! Kelsey and I have teamed up to create a short list to aid in the task of planning a wedding with The Anti-Planner.


Create a monthly schedule with reminders/tasks on a shared calendar (this eliminates the need to remind him/her countless times about a to-do item, and instead allows the calendar to do it for you!


It's easy to allow wedding talk to consume your every thought. If you are the planner in the relationship, then you know the excitement that comes with talking about the details of the wedding. On the flip side, if you're not a planner, these details can leave you feeling overwhelmed and anxious.  Don’t allow wedding planning to consume your relationship. There are so many beautiful parts about being engaged that don’t involve the looming details of the party; bask in those things.

Give yourself (and most importantly, your partner) a break from talking about wedding details. Instead, choose 1-2 days a week, grab some wine or go on a date where you can tackle the to-do list. Try to make these events fun! One of my girlfriends shared that every wedding task she and her fiance did she involved champagne! Registering? Champagne breakfast! Envelope addressing? Rose Champagne! Guest list? Champagne and tequila!


We learned this in our pre-marital counseling. Pre-marital counseling is a great place to discuss delegation and any decisions that have been hard for you and your partner to agree on. (Add to your To-Do List: Sign up for pre-marital counseling).

We learned that each person brings strengths to a marriage. Find those strengths in one another and use them to your advantage when delegating tasks. If one person is really artistic, let them take on stationary, or if one person is a total foodie, let them take the lead on catering. 


A marriage is about two people committing themselves to a life together. The wedding is a party. That is it. Keep this in mind through the whole process. Your partner wants to marry you and spend everyday with you for the rest of their life. That doesn’t mean they have to want or like planning the party though. Try to separate these two things and don’t take it personal.


Before I got engaged it seemed that everyone kept telling me how stressful it was planning their wedding. Until finally a girlfriend told me how fun it was! This wasn’t because she was the best planner alive or because her fiance just adored all things wedding related. It was because she had the best attitude! Its like the book The Secret- those with the best mindset will have the best lives. My friend went into her engagement with a mantra: this is going to be fun and I know at times it will be a little stressful too (I mean duh, its a wedding, of course there will be stressful moments!). 


I know this sounds like a business plug, but I swear it's not. I say this to you as a wedding planner that planned her own wedding. Make wedding planning a line item. Find a planner that you love and trust.  Let him or her be the nag, the coordinator of all things business and contractual about the wedding, let her take on all the stress of the details, while you get to sit back, enjoy being engaged and in love. This gives you the opportunity to be involved in the aspects of the wedding that you are excited and interested in, while the planner takes care of the rest. If you don’t want to be the one nagging your partner about the million and one details about the wedding, do yourself (and your fiance!) a favor and hire a planner.


Kelsey + Danielle

The Big Bridal Wardrobe Change

Nothing is more glamorous than a bride showing off not one- but two white dresses. You have seen the celebrities do it, but do you dare have a wardrobe change at your own wedding? Now more than ever, brides are choosing to switch it up after the ceremony or dinner to change into something a little more unique. Here are some fabulous ways to create small change that leaves a big impact. 

1. Bold Lip

This is one of my very favorite ways to change up your look! Pick a neutral or light hue for the ceremony and then wow guests at the reception with something more dreamy or bold (check out MAC's All Fired Up). They won't know what hit 'em ;)

2. Belt It 

Another simple way to change your look is to add a belt or sash to your dress. Belts certainly range in glamour and flair. Don't forget to check out Etsy for some unique designers! 

3. Veil to Crown 

Your veil is certainly a statement piece. Consider taking off your veil after the ceremony and switching it up for a ornate bridal crown. We love these from Elizabeth Bower. Taking off your veil for dancing is also a must! 

4. Topper 

Ever so elegant is the bridal topper. This is the perfect way to switch up fabrics in your look. Consider wearing a lace topper for a more modest (and super romantic)  church ceremony and then change into a belt for the reception! 

5. Little White Dress 

If you are OK taking off your statement gown, there are so many fabulous little white dresses. Plan ahead by subtracting the cost of a dancing dress from your wedding gown budget. 

And what's better than one change- two changes! Don't hesitate to combine these small changes to make an even larger impact or better yet, space them out throughout the night; veil off after reception and lipstick change-up after dinner! 



The Importance of Site Visits

This morning Kelsey and I ventured out to Hood River Oregon to check out the venue of a July wedding we will be designing and coordinating. Its quite amazing what site visits do for the planning process, especially for destination or out of town venues. Yes, we drove for 2 hours just for a 30 minute walk-through, however the visit was priceless in the planning process.

Eryn Kesler 

Eryn Kesler 

As a wedding planner it is our job to know the ins and outs of the space, how it will function with the given guest count and how vendors will be able to navigate the space. We represent countless vendors through the planning process and its our due diligence that allows them to do their jobs to the best of their abilities. Site Visits help to ensure that a space is suitable for the vision you are creating. Often times event spaces look drastically different (for better and sometimes for worse) than their online photos. Its like picking out a college- you don't truly know what a venue will be like until you get there, walk around, sit in the space, and feel the ambiance. Sometimes you are pleasantly surprised by what you may find or unique ways in which to use the space. 

Eryn Kesler

Eryn Kesler

Just today, we asked the Venue Coordinator how he typically sees weddings being set up and his response was honest and yet so true- "the space was designed for weddings to be set up like this . . . however, most people do them every which way but this set-up." Walk-thru's of your space make it possible to see all the ways an event can work and certainly the most efficient ways. Especially when booking outdoor venues. Where is the electrical? Where is the water? How many garbages are there and who’s responsible for their disposal?? Where will the sun be at 5:00 PM on July 2nd, 2016? And the list goes on! 

Eryn Kesler

Eryn Kesler

Whether you've seen your venue once or many times, don't be afraid to ask a lot of questions to the Venue Coordinator and request to see the space just one more time :) 

Happy Planning!


The Planner Answers

The Never Ending  Guest list 

Aubree Lynn Photography 

Aubree Lynn Photography 

Guests lists truly never end if you do not put an end to it yourselves! 

When we start writing on paper, all of a sudden we have our friend from first grade that we have not spoken to since, our little league coach and our elementary PE teacher, all who seem to make the first round of cuts!

Dylan & Sara Photography 

Dylan & Sara Photography 

It is exciting to be engaged, there is no doubt about that, but I always ask couples to really think about who has been in their lives and who will continue to be in their lives for years to come with more than just a physical (or social media) presence.

Consider me old school, but I am a firm believer that every guest that is important enough to be invited to your wedding, should be given a +1, whether they currently do not have a partner, have had a partner for one month or have been with someone ten years. Who wants to attend a wedding without their significant other if they have one? It's not our place to determine the longevity of their significant other, and I find it happening more often than not to keep guest list under a certain number to coincide with budget. Kick that idea to the curb! Everyone deserves a plus one, so make room for your loved ones and their partners and that should really allow you to determine who you want at your wedding day and how to navigate guest list and finances.

Sweetlife Photography 

Sweetlife Photography 

Backtrack to my earlier blog regarding budget and make sure this same conversation is happening with your parents, because they tend to be the ones who have the habit of tossing in names of people you may not feel as close with and that should also be addressed as well.

It is important to be surrounded by the ones you love on your wedding day, so make every name count. You won't regret it.